Thoughts That Lead to Thoughts, That Lead to My Twilight

When I was in undergraduate school, I became very interested in Anthropology/Archaeology. That led me to take enough courses to get a BS degree in it without taking many more courses. Before I officially turned in a portfolio for grad school, I toyed with the idea of getting the Bachelor of Science in Archaeology first and then go to grad school! If I had, I am sure that I could have arranged to enter grad school the following year. My concerns in art and the complexities within the studies of Anthropology and Archaeology are interwoven in my mind and because of their simularities many issues in Anthropology helped define my art.

I have always envisioned being a part of a team of Archaeologist excavating a mountain’s surface and exposing layer on layer of rock, sediment, debris and different forms of life that create the intervals of growth and help to supply material to determine the age of the fossils sandwiched between the stratum. As archaeologists uncover the remains of an ancient people’s midden their story unfolds as the site is uncovered tier by dusty tier. Each layer of excavated soil is carefully sifted to find artifacts that will tell a story and give a time line for the living that inhabited that particular spot. In comparison, our thoughts, memories and emotions become multiple tiers in our mind that lead us to self-understanding and expression. Regardless of which idea they both demonstrate a passage of time structured by a complex cycle of growth, life and decay.

Many spiritual dogmas, in the past and in our present day, enlighten the cycle by believing in an afterlife. When I think about the artistic possibilities of life being spiritually continued I imagine a line of hollow, fragile forms. Each represents an empty homogenous soul that waits patiently for a heavenly tomorrow. In reality, I imagine souls serenely floating in azure blue skies accented with billowy, white clouds as they pass through the immense golden gates of heaven. On the other hand, the souls may become a part of an interminable final que and as the line of fragile forms sway, one by one the souls fall and become anonymous hollow pods that are brittle, frail and worn from the passage of time. The fettered, empty shells give little information of who or what they were. Yet they are the remains of countless people who have lived throughout history.

Death Scene         Gothic Illustration          Girl Reading Book

Cave  at Lascaux        Simone Martini         18th Century

At times, it is those people, probably us in another five hundred years, that makes me stop and try to remember them for a moment. Can you possibly guess just how many people have preceded you in death. Can you look at the three images and feel that their lives were equal to our current existence? In the majority of paintings or illustrations held in Museums there is never information about the people that are in the painting, unless they are infamous.  Nonetheless, they need to be acknowledged. Imagine that the death scene, from the Lascaux caves, probably was drawn by someone with blood and urine.  The death scene had to have been important to the artist to have recorded it and is as important as one that is recorded today.

Nevertheless, the relationship between man and time continues within other relationships. In our youth and early mature years our backs are metaphorically, straight and strong, while we collect stacks of memories and information. Rarely, while we are younger, do we consider our ending chapter, although our subconscious tries to signal that we are changing. Where once our memories were occupied with dense information, later in life as we grow older, we find that they may thin and fray at the edge. Where once the back never tired it now asks for a moment of rest and we begin to understand and accept that there may be passages in life that leaves us perilously fragile and degenerately transformed.

I am sure one day, I will pass through an ominous threshold and I may find I cannot live independently because I am not able to control the escalating fragility of my mind and body. If this happens I will begin a transition towards total dependence for life care. This major, unidirectional modification in life care prompts feelings of vulnerability to the world and apprehensive of tomorrow. It is evident how important it is for me to find that certain, younger person that will understand and follow my directives for my life care. The directives have already been listed in my living will and so my only worry is appointing an executor for the more distant future should I be alone to die.

Death, the end to all this thought, comes when it wishes. There is no preset date or hour, nor is there a preset script. You may think death will come and sweep you away at that unknown moment, that it will whisk your spirit instantly up to the heavens, yet sometimes for some people death lounges at the door letting the person’s degeneration become unbearable for the family and their associates. Death, that final hour, will tick in the background of my twilight…………..

2012                  2014 tick

tick tick tick 2018 tick tick tick tick 2029

tick                 2020 tick                                                         tick 2028

2013 tick tick tick 2021                                              tick

2025                                tick tick 2026                                                               tick tick tick

tick tick tick tick tick 2026

tick 2027


tick tick

tick tick 2229 tick tick


2030 tick tick

tick 2031 tick tick 2032

tick tick 2033…………….


5 thoughts on “Thoughts That Lead to Thoughts, That Lead to My Twilight

  1. Hi Frank,

    This aging thing…it happens whether we’re prepared or not. It comes upon whether we’re looking for it or not. Mostly, I think, it surprises us to look in the mirror one day and see a person looking back at us that we don’t know.

    I know that I don’t wish to die slowly, like my maternal grandmother did. It drug out for many years, the last of which she had no recognition of most of her family. That hurt…a lot.

    But I’ve often thought that maybe God knew that we couldn’t let go until she was already gone to us…maybe we were the reason her body lived on while her mind degenerated to the point that she didn’t know her children or grandchildren.

    I don’t know…it’s just a thought.


  2. Hi Frank – Your words are always well-chosen and paint pictures of their own. I procrastinate planning for my eventual demise – maybe because the thought itself brings so many other distressing thoughts — I have no one younger to one day help me — I have my spouse and my spouse has me and he has his daughter — I would never in a million years ask for her help. There is such a horrid history of dementia and senility in my family that I wonder if it is pre-ordained that I, too, shall lose my mind. The practical part of me wants to somehow have a plan in place with all the boxes checkmarked — my Christian self calms the fear of impending death with promise of resurrection — and my pitiful human self says “maybe tomorrow” I’ll prepare that living will — I hope and pray fervently for more tomorrows and yet when they arrive I put it off again…
    Hugs, Linda


  3. Lynda
    I think you may be right that your grandmother needed to decline so that you all could let her go. It has taken this present, poignant decline in my mother to realize that she is so unhappy and would be far better off in Heaven.
    Very Wise thought-as always my good friend. Frank


  4. Linda, You will join Shadowlands and I and others as we age past caring for ourselves and we’ll take care of each other!! Regardless, you will need that little living will so that I can make sure I do things your way! Don’t think of anything (meaning dementia) or being alone, or even Christian. Just put down what you believe in for care. Then it is a lot easier and hopefully you may not need to wait till tomorrow. Try curling up with a pencil and pad and a cup of herbal tea and start making notes. Then just fill in a form at any hospital and your done with it or send me your notes and I will write it for you!! Thanks for coming to visit! Frank


  5. Excellent advice, Frank! And if you do have family members or other loved ones, a living will is a gift for them. Many people think that their family knows what there wishes are…but when the time comes, some people start second-guessing what they knew of their loved one. Giving them that document is a gift to them. And don’t wait…many things can happen before you get old.


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