When I wrote my first poem, I didn’t realize how cathartic they could be. By the time I wrote the third one I became aware of how easily I could express my emotions. Most all the poems I have written deal with the grief that I feel within, but as time continues to move forward I realize they also allow me to understand more of life and to look beyond my own back yard. The poems merge with the expressions of help in your responses and the combination becomes a salve that within time cause new thoughts that become stronger building blocks for my own wisdom.
The emotions I write about opens my heart and as I look out into a new day I feel a little better and if need be I could be more compassionate to someone else who is hurting and understand when it is time to lock the door and get tough.
Life is a precious commodity and we each have our own discoveries. When we share them we learn from each other, or give the support that I have been shown through the kindness of your heart. If I had not had to experience the unknown circumstances of my Mothers passing I would be a little less able to help someone else, but Now I Know—
Now I know, Now I know what it is
that before I could never understand.
Now I know what that time is like
and understand what has been known forever.
How many times did I wonder, worry and fret over what I didn’t know.
Did I guess at any time the full extent of what it would really be like?
Oh no, never in my wildest imagination could I know,
Could I have known pain as I know now,
could I feel loneliness that wraps my throat and chokes me from the air.
Would I have thought the days and the nights become one,
would I guess how little I would not understand once it happened.
And could I ever have know what it is like to have panic hitting the heart,
or know that, possibly one tear can turn a person toward uncontrollable agony.
Would I have ever guessed what this time is like,
or would I have thought that there was no need, if I was prepared.
Can you ever guess right about being prepared correctly?
Ah, yes if you go to a luncheon you will have been given the time and the place.
This day and future days come regardless of any preparation…..
your memories sting and gouge and make new thoughts to surprise and cause you pain.
They lap at your tears and delight in making you distraught.
It is a day without caring for you and the days to follow, well there is an unknown plan for them.
Then without expectation there comes a day–
with first light I look out of the window, then into the room and for the first time I understand.