Today and then the Tomorrow

It has been many months since I have come to share my thoughts with my readers.  I doubt that many of you are left, but possibly you will see this post and wonder, “Is it true–did he write!”  Yes, it is time to write, it is time to use Crepusculum once more to help me sort out my thoughts, particularly those centered upon this state of life that I am in.  No I did not make a mistake, I believe I am with in a very strange state where my life is experiencing not all things that are good.

The thing that makes me edgy is change.  I don’t like it, yet how do you stop tripping on all the stumbling blocks along your  life voyage.   The little differences that affect me are the ones that plague my mind, yet humorously the changes that I have made happen to me are wonderful for me, but often not as fun for M. as he watches me becoming a less readable person.

It came to me one day–I stopped dead in my tracks and said, “Are you going to continue this way and die this way?”  Next I asked, “If you don’t, then start loosening the mental restrictions you have always endured.”  I did and it was like I took off a girdle.  Suddenly my lifelong inhibitions started to crumble.  At first, when I did a few things I had never done before, I stopped to take heed and lectured my self on being so indefinite.  I thought, people aren’t supposed to be so dissolute.  Pick yourself up and stop the nonsense.

Well, it wasn’t so easy.  Those tiny little crumbs, the newness of unbridled life was so monumental that there was no stopping me.  I had broken the shackles and I felt I had just a small chance to taste life in a wonderful new way.  I knew I needed to because if I was expected to become Within Crepusculum one day, then my time before the entry into my dusk needed to be brilliantly, humorously, tastefully, possibly wantonly paved with exciting memories of now.  If the twilight was only to be heralded with boredom then I was on my way to an eternally, troubled existence that would lead me to my last, darkest hours.

Then of course,  this renaissance or even possible birth of independence, seems triggered by old haunts that I have had for years that are coupled with my continued grief and nonacceptance of my management of family and death  during those pungent days of last November.  Time will only tell if the closure that must come one day will rid me of my mind of blame  and permanently open the the door of my Renaissance.

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3 comments on “Today and then the Tomorrow

  1. How I have missed you, Frank and your wonderful way with words. I have had so much time on my hands these past 6 months of healing and I have examined my life and am not pleased with what I have done, but am amazed at how much I have squandered. And yet, now that I’m feeling better I still Twitter and fritter away my time making no difference to anyone or anything. I often wonder if anyone will remember me and wish I could leave a legacy. It can be depressing to simply wait upon the Lord for healing. I so want to be out in the world enjoying myself and learning new things – and yet I’m continuously told to be patient and wait. Sometimes i think we get comfortable in our hurting and that frightens me because I want to come out of this cocoon of fear I’ve woven around me and live again. See what you bring out in me? I send you much love and huge hugs my friend. Welcome back!

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    • Frank says:

      Thanks Linda for saying its nice to be back. I have a suggestion for you, because I do believe you already have a legacy started and you don’t know it. Legacy means giving of oneself, somehow, so that they may be remembered and thanked even if they are no longer part of the existing world. You have written a blog on wordpress for a very long time. Some of those stories are priceless. All are written extremely well because you are talented at writing. Take the time to sift through them and select 50-100 of the best, well the best that even makes you smile when you read it and reminince. Compile them with a series of Ema pictures–I am sure you have many, but you can take many. Make sure ema has particular looks in each photo that can be attached to the story.
      Then buy thesis holder where you can insert the stories, intermingled with the photos of ema where you match the look to the story as best you can. Let ema have a quote by each picture—let her let you know that she thinksshe done right all the time….or occasionally admits–well she’s right this time!!

      Then write a proface to the book or ask some one to write that for you awhich might be fun.

      And t hen you need a very concluding epilogue…..put a little snip about what the furture hold for you, ema and devoted spouse.

      Then wrap the book up, send it to a publisher……….I still belong to eons and can ask around for a publisher for you.

      Voila–you now have direction and you will have a legacy. Yes humor and truth go hand in hand!!

      This will sell many copies–I know it will–every dog owner will want a copy.

      I am serious–and for now please don’t feel you are too lethargic. Just remember not so long ago you were in lots of pain and you need to take it easy–if you body was ready you would be up going….give it a little more time my friend. Give yourself some kindness. You and I know you are an exceptional and caring woman. Ask Devoted spouse if you need to but just rembember and you will believe.
      Take Care,
      Frank

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  2. Well dear I will consider it – I’ve long thought I should put together a Best of Crone and Bear It – but centered on the incomparable EmmaLou. I’m afraid there are so many dog books out there now – I should have beat Marley to the race as EmmaLou is even more incorrigble than he was. But you’ve given me food for thought and I just might take you up on your offer of a little help. Hugs, Linda

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