Sitting on my patio, looking out over the pool and all the wonderful, Florida vegetation in my half acre of garden, I am prompted to ask what my aging is all about. Is it in my head, or is there something definitely happening physically to me. I thnk for some it just is a state of mind they get into, whereas, I have never thought about my age and even now have to tell myself that I am sixty-two. Then I must remind myself that I am and make a couple physical comparisons to make me remember how old I am.
Twenty years ago I would not have sat in this chair with a pinched nerve, overweight and have my thumbs tingle as I type. Yep, there are changes I can’t deny in my body. I can take care of most of what is wrong with me if I lose weight. So, since I hate exercise and will not go to a gym, but love gardening I do the work here in the garden. I have grown to particular about how the tree or bush is planted to have someone else do it for me. What I get in return for doing this is a beautiful garden, done the way I want it, a feeling of tiredness in the bones and especially a pain in my back for shoveling and moving wheel barrow after wheel barrow full of topsoil and then mulch.
I also ask if it is worth the aggravation of pain and exhaustion, when I could hire a gardener. My neighbor thinks we must be too poor to hire one and then questions why we live where we do. Well, it is worth the pain and the exhaustion because as I sit here looking out over what I did this past week I can nod and know it looks good, it looks the way I want it too and tomorrow it still looks good because of the way I did it.
I wonder why I think this way and I know it is because I do not dwell on age, nor hold onto specific actions that may give me a few aches and pains. It is all part of life. Just because I have a pain in my back doesn’t mean to stop and say: “To much doing for a person your age.” Particularly I will not say that when I smile and see I have lost seven pounds. Tomorrow will continue on just as today and yesterday.
Probably there will be a day when I have to face the facts and know it isn’t safe to continue on my course I set for myself and agree it is time to sit in a chair, but I will tell you that day is a long way from now. In the interim, I cannot deny that I may be very close to the doors of my Crepusculum, but being within Crepusculum does not mean you stop, hang up your towel and sit in the rocking chair. Crepusculum is and must be a time of thinking, of planning, of enjoying, of doing and always a time of self fulfillment. It is a time of my life that I don’t mind if I enter.
If aging is anything for me it is a state of the body, but with diligence and determination it can be controlled for a very long time.