A Saga of Death and Grief

Not long ago my brother-in-law died.  Death can not be escaped, but for him it should have been different.  When a brain tumor came back to haunt him, the family decided that he should be treated by laser surgery, rather than use normal surgical methods.  Surgeons, the family doctor and my spouse saw the laser to bring post surgical problems and we all pleaded to go with the surgeon they had used before.

Soon after surgery the problems began.  A laser is no different than chemo or other radiation.  It effects and success are not seen right away and while performing the surgery more tissue may be killed that surrounded the tumor.  Eventually the problems began as his condition deteriorated..    The nursing home (rehab center) he was sent to didn’t begin any kind of therapy for a very long time and good medical care didn’t happen.  Everyday it was sad to hear about the  last disagreement between family members, particularly in deciding what and who should take care of him and insure that proper care was administered.

Days passed, arguments heightened, care never escalated in the nursing home and he began retaining fluid at a high rate  The fluids leaked   outside of his body.  Some degree of medicine was given to him, but not enough to ready him for a trip to another state and on an airline.  The day arrived with each step arduously taken as he needed to move from here to there, step up, step down, move here and then know there is even more steps before it all stops.

At the destination, he needed to repeat all the moves again until he could be in the comfort of a bed.   Finally, he was at the place where he could rest and be loved.  Peace came to him during the early morning hours.

Bitterness, accusations, hate, sorrow, hysteria bloomed that morning for his family.  When I was told of his passing I though it to be a very distasteful joke.  I thought this couldn’t be true, how could this happen to him after all he had been through.  In the bitterness felt in the family everyone blamed each other for his death, but blame does no good.  He has gone away, gone far away and the only way to be with him is through the grace of finding peace and serenity and to understand that life lives in the heart forever.

I shall always remember him.  I shall continue to help the family understand their greif and that it has many steps that can not be escaped. You will experience each one regardless of the depth of your relationship and you will miss that person.  Grief is nasty, grief never really stops.  I know.  I have been there and walked that path.  I still walk it today.

In response I needed to write:

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