Not more than six feet in front of me hangs my “To0 Much to do List”. I hung the list for added tasks to do than I usually have. At first the list hung benignly on the wall. There wasn’t anything special about it. Suddenly, it came to life A face developed within the list. It stares at me and has a big red mouth, big eyes, a strange mustache and it jeers at me as I try to work. It mocks me with its eyes and eyebrows arched. It demands that I take notice of it and that I must heed its power. The messages change. It tells me to get going and that it knows exactly how much I do; almost as though it sees me wherever I am!!
I question who is this thing and how can a “thing” jeer and tell me what to do. When I am at my desk trying to work, he jeers and I become annoyed. I think, “How dare he!” Quickly I ask myself how I can assign a gender to him. If I do then I recognize it is real, an entity that it could have power over me.
To become annoyed with this face in my list is ridiculous. I am strong enough to tell him I do a lot, in fact, there are fewer times of play than work. I make lists occasionally when I need specific items done by a particular date or I make a list when I must do work on more items that I normally would not do. There are days I feel like the “dog chasing its own tail”! Within me is the high work ethic I gained from growing up on an Iowa farm. During busy times farm work always came first and to dawdle while doing something was inexcusable. My father’s anthem for task given was “Do it now, don’t play, do it right and be done quickly for another task!” I hated the summer days when I worked at farming. Sitting on a tractor, on a bright, hot and humid Iowa day, didn’t please me, now did my performance please my father!
Pondering over why this nagging face has appeared in my list, I think possibly it is not an enemy, it might be a part of me trained to do the work as soon as possible. Could it be me telling myself to get going? Possibly, I am hesitant to begin some of the tasks and even if I am not lazy, occasionally I ask why I must do this work.
I am the one who sees and does.
If it weren’t for the jeering smile in my list pushing me on so that I start a new item as soon as possible!