Doom and Gloom or Brilliant Sun

There are days when I awaken I kick the mattress with my legs and  then begin  stretching and mumbling. Today was one of those days.  The kicking isn’t for exercise; it is my subconscious reaction to the day ahead or keeping my thoughts  at bay.   These days are my days of doom and gloom; a day when I would rather smile as if  brilliant sunshine fills the room and leaves no room for despondent thoughts.

Before April of last year this odd action of mine never happened.   It isn’t a daily happening, particularly when the new day doesn’t have a medical appointment or a related issue that I need to deal with. Unfortunately, I have spent and will continue to spend many other days on appointments.   If I have a run of fairly good days, I know from experience a new condition will begin on any future day.  It may bring me a fever, a wheeze, a new pain, or a returning irritant like the strange discomfort I get on my left side where the bottom of the lung was.

Today, like yesterday and the next two days I will be up earlier to continue having a Thallium Scan that can find hidden infections.  If lucky it can find a cause for my, off again on again fever;  a condition known as an FOU in medical terms.   It sounds like it is something from outer space, but  it simply means that I have fevers of an unknown origin.  Hopefully the scan will be fruitful and find something.  If nothing shows then  the cause  is from the Chemo or it is a fever that cannot be traced.

At sixty-six I am not ready to don the hat of an aged person, although, I am aware and ready for any new condition that strikes.   Whether I wake up to doom and gloom or one of brilliant sun I will still welcome each new day! 


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