During the time I took care of my Mother, after her stroke, she often spoke to me how it is best to look to tomorrow by welcoming its arrival by rejoicing in the possibilities it has. Regardless of how hard I try I miss the time of my life when there was never a thought that triggered a worry or no task that was too much to do; where energy was ample and strength need not be questioned.
I know that my Mother was right. Thinking thoughts of the past or even the day before and remembering the good or the bad in those times must remain as they are, nor can they be brought forward to live again. The only living that you can do is in the current day, or possibly begin to plan what you would like to do in the new day. I realize the day I am in is important to live the best that I can, but the old mind pushes me to remember and compare what I was like or could do not long ago and compare it to what I am doing now.
The remembrance of yesterday’s abilities keep me going, because if I didn’t compare today with yesterday’s abilities I am not sure if my internal work ethic would be strong enough to keep me going. The comparison triggers my will and makes me go forward even if I am less able as I was before. The ability to keep on going, after something is a trait I have from my Mother, although I wonder if I am as strong as she was; encountering difficulties, sickness, etc. and have the ability to greet them with a positive attitude she always had.
Internally, I wonder how she handled everything. I can’t imagine that she had the same little discourse, not always sweet, that I have when it is one of those days. Now I am about equal in being able to look ahead and unfortunately still able to look back and reminence. It doesn’t make much difference since I will continue to plug along.