It has been about a year and a half since I learned I had lung cancer. The days, weeks and months since then have been less enjoyable than the previous years I have lived. Yes, without question I am better, yet better is relative to what? Am I like I used to be? Do I feel as strong as I was? Can I think as intuitively as before or is my ability to uniquely understand the how and why as strong as it was?
I am not like I was.
My endurance and strength are less.
I simply cannot plan or logically decide as I did.
Today I am traveling to Illinois to see my sister. Previously, all details were ready days before. My clothes were in the suitcase the day before. The last two days I have quibbled over what clothes I should take, what computer I should lug and even what I should wear on the plane! Finally, I had everything packed and chose the shirt to wear! Quibbling breeds wrong choices. I am always hot…….today the plane is a freezer and this shirt I have on couldn’t keep a flea warm.
Where is this all going? The big “C” is one unwelcome pain in one’s ass.
Just recently a lovely, smart and strong person I know was diagnosed with an undefined type of cancer in the lung. I am more than a little upset! I want to scream out that enough is enough and that to inflict this unwanted beast in her is wrong! When will this purge stop that brings such turmoil and worry to mankind!
I will answer my own question:
Answering the impossible is as ridiculous as asking it!