To Ponder

At odd times I begin to ponder on a “why” about me.  It is a mysterious moment when I see nothing that gives salve to my “why” and then in one minute of one hour on any one day I metaphorically trip over my feet and find centered smack-dab between my ears a coagulum of brilliant colors leading me towards an idea.

The ease at which this happens is never the same.  Usually, I am aware of what I search, yet at other times my head feels blank and I feel empty without a quest to need.   I blankly stare into space.  Inside my head, between my ears,  a malleable wall blocks thought.  I know that is what needs to change so that even a “why” can form.

The wall begins to change into a myriad of tiny dots of color.  The dots are randomly placed and remind me of a disorganized pointillist painting.  Subconsciously I have formed a puzzle of dots and put them in a sequence of color showing a message;  one that will help me understand myself even more.

To see and listen to what the dots represent, to reorganize them into an understanding is similar to being in a maze without a definite path to get out and often leads you back to the beginning.   If I stop at first try I know a part of me will be lost in this labyrinth of brilliant dots.  To continue is never questioned, to continue until its story is before me will the path to understanding myself. 

Pondering, as many thinks, is not a waste of time, not a foolish or childish act, nor is it something that will never give you insight.  It is a bit like meditation.  Each method of opening a door allows a greater understanding of yourself.

To keep going, to have the strength and perseverance to gather an answer for yourself is gratifying.  After understanding the “why” the next greater question is should you share?  You can only answer this yourself, although check this to decide if this is a wise move.  Remember, just because your mysterious “why” has been answered it doesn’t mean you need to go public with your information.  Maybe if we ponder on that another answer will come!