My blog, Within Crepusculum, was a journey exploring a place and time in my life where not all may continue to be as bright or as defined as my life has been. It is of that age, individually defined, where we all realize we are in our human twilight and eventually will travel beyond its borders.
During the twilight the years continue to multiply. Possibly the first years will be quite enjoyable because I will be able to function at full capacity. I am sure I will have ample time for my art, possibly entering the business world again on a small scale and particularly will have ample time to meet new people and see all the friends I have not been able to see for many, many years.
Eventually, though, the goodness of life fades even more. As I live within the later days of my Crepusculum I may notice the changes in me that do not allow me to enjoy everything as I have, and in the very near future it becomes continually more difficult for me to function. Finally, as time unmercifully passes and I have experienced much more physical and cognitive degeneration I will find it i leads me to my concluding chapter where my degeneration escalates even at a aster rate. . As I think about this time I begin to question how I will deal with growing old and probably growing older alone, as well as dying alone. These conditions are the basis of so many of my concerns; they are incomprehensible for me to face easily. Nevertheless, I will investigate my twilight and beyond it and try to prepare myself for the inevitable.
Many answers to the concerns I have in growing older already exist in my life’s experiences and often in the stories other people tell me about their lives. I will share those stories and experiences with you. I hope you will have ample time today, or at another time to read or ponder!
Possibly you may enjoy seeing my art and understand how the concerns I have in aging are then developed into a body of work.
My work explores how the irreversible transformation of fabric parallels our own aging process. In particular I am concerned about the moment when my ability to live independently begins a transition towards total dependence for life care. At that point I will not be able to control the escalating fragility of my mind and body. This major unidirectional modification in life care prompts feelings of being vulnerable to my world and apprehensive of my tomorrow.
My feelings of vulnerability and the reality of fragility in aging are reflected in the fabric I transform. The hollowness of my forms echo my own feelings of lost capabilities and marks a relentless passage of time.
The stacked, heat transformed, battered sheets of fabric or the bits of fabric packed into layers represent the stages of my life that is filled with memories, thoughts, concerns and experiences that will guide me through my own concluding passages. Additionally, the forms that are deteriorated both on the surface and internally represent the changing structure of my skin as well as specific worries I have about the deterioration of my own body.
The changes in the fabric and my body can never be reversed and the fabric becomes more fragile and vulnerable to my touch as I transform it with heat. Metaphorically the fabric is my skin, my mind, and body reacting as I do to the aging process.
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