Each day passes more quickly than I would like. I wish for the passage of night to be short, but by early morning, before dawn is even awakening, I toss and turn and feel that one more moment or hour in bed will be too much for me. With each day I worry that I may be returning to old habits and old habits brought me into the depths of sleep deprivation. So far I still am affected by the accumulation of little sleep, particularly when I get up early……..then I am most aware of how tired I can be.
Yesterday at dusk or during the crepuscular day, while working in my garden, I wished that the dusk could last longer, but once the greyness sets in, the black surrounds us very quickly in Florida. I also wished that the dawn of morning could also come earlier so the length of that new day light could last longer. Within a moment I realized, probably because of the heat of the day, that I wanted to work within the grey parts of the day when everything begins to calm and feel more comfortable. Juxtaposed to my life the real twilights and dawns, the times that signal the most significant changes in my day may be a lesson for me in life.
Rather than wondering and worrying about the days of Crepusculum, maybe I need to just start enjoying this time of my life like I enjoy the twilight and the dawn. Maybe, being within my Crepusculum can become as calming to me as the real world’s crepuscular times.
So, instead of worrying about my lack of sleep, my aches and pains, or always hoping for those particular times of the day, and stop always wishing the reality of my life to change, maybe I should take my Mother’s advice and stop evaluating today or yesterday and look toward tomorrow and smile as I anticipate just how wonderful it can be.