Within a few short days, the fifteenth of November will arrive, the day that Momma left. I miss her today even more than a year ago. The days since she left have never been the same because there is always an emptiness in me, something that was never felt before. Momma was my anchor, a guide that stabilized me since I was born. Now, I flounder occasionally and when I do I look up to the place way above, to “Al di La”, where Momma looks down. It is a place way up over the clouds, where Momma goes to when she knows her spirit needs to tend my life. Soon I feel her little hand touching my shoulder and it brings me the comfort she alone can bring.
Her favorite songs are still able to evoke raw grief, sweet memories and heartfelt love for her. Tears will brim in my eyes and trickle down my cheeks whenever I play “You are my Sunshine” and when Sarah Brightman sings, “It is time to Say Good-Bye”. I know everyone wants me to say “good bye” but I never will.
Momma will always live poignantly alive in my heart. To think that a soothing balm may help me is ridiculous in reality. Momma is as special to me as she was during each day I shared with her in my life. She guided, loved without question and was always there. On particular times I know she still is there and that nothing has changed. When I drive, Momma is there in the front seat as always and I hold her little hand. Recently, on the drive to Florida, there were two times that if she hadn’t been there I would have fallen asleep, yet her spirit was so strong it guided me through that desperate period. And at night, when sleep doesn’t come, or being upset becomes overwhelming, I realize a warm and gentle calmness begins to surround me and I fall a sleep.
My little one remains with me regardless of what skeptics may say. Grief doesn’t stop, not when the love during a life was so strong, regardless of what the relationship is. Grief comes and goes at its will and one never knows when something will trigger it to return stronger than ever. In grief, can come the most wonderful moments in your life. Momma continues to fulfill my request to her that she always remain
“My Sunshine, for all of my days!”
Today, Tomorrow and Always you will remain in my heart,
held tenderly with love wrapped around you.
Today, Tomorrow and Always will be filled with my loss,
yet each of those days I know you are there.
Today, Tomorrow and Always I look to Al di la
and as my eyes meander through the clouds I feel you there.
Today, Tomorrow and Always I remember the night you left
and tears fill my eyes and my loneliness is more.
Today, Tomorrow and Always I know you are here
because deep in my heart you stay and your little hand touches my shoulder.
Then finally, Today, Tomorrow and Always will change.
On that day of mine, you will be there in Al di la waiting.