Wondering of the “Morrow”

What will tomorrow bring?

Shall all be quiet and normal or

will the day be disturbing to me

as the page turns to a new chapter?

 

Maybe I am wrong when I say quiet

and why should my new day be disturbing

when the next experience may be jolly

or even better filled with warm hearts.

 

I think that at this moment, this hour

now at the crest of full night that the

break of day must be warm and friendly

because less will be to much to bear.

 

Lately I wish only for everything in

my days and even in my nights to be

never more than kind and not carry an

extra little request that causes distress.

 

And so as I go off to sleep tonight

I shall hope that my tomorrow will be

as bright and generic as possible and

worries, stress or sickness need not be.

 

 

 

 

 

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N’s No Promise of Today

During the entire time I wrote in my blog, Within Crepusculum, one fellow blogger followed me, encouraged me, gave me strength, allowed me to be a part of her journey in grief following her husband’s tragic early death and then stood faithfully by me as I agonized over my Mother’s death.  N. was there always–day in and day out, come rain or come shine and soon by reading and sharing our blogs we became friends.  It was eerie because we each could feel (without calling or writing) when we were having terrible times because of our grief.

It was a snap combining my blogs–yet I knew I needed to bring order to Suntithenai,  whereby you will be able to understand how it is a synthesis of me.   Today I received a comment on a poem in one of my pages.  After posting a response to the comment I wanted to read another poem I have.   The second poem had a comment from  N., left by her many months, maybe a few years ago.  Within her comment she shared with me a lyric to a song she wrote

I am not going to give you any background information.  I mean only to share a significant song she wrote and hope that you enjoy it as much as I did–

I sat down and wrote this as I watched him walk down the sidewalk after spending the night with me. I knew that he was unable to give or return my love for that moment in time. Because of his pain over loving and loosing, I wondered if I would never know love his love or if he was capable of returning my love.

No Promise Of Today

No promise of today
No hope of a tomorrow
You simply walk away
With no word of your return.

No promise of today
No hope of a tomorrow
Just dreams of yesterday
There is no promise of today

I hoped that you would stay
It’s so painful with your leaving
And I want so much to say
I can accept this as your needing

Because a promise of today
Would only bring you sorrow
So my heart will have to stay
There is no promise of today…

I must turn and walk away
There is no promise of today…

I know to Remember

My days continue on much the same.  Some are better, but usually within the period of a couple days a tug, a wince, a another’s story triggers my emotions and for a short while I am in limbo.  I trudge through the house, hearing not much but emptiness, except an occasional creek from the snow on the roof..  I have come to a new point.  I know Momma is dead.  Monday is one month, but as I look around my mind prefers thinking that she is here and sometimes I walk in for a quarter of a brief second she is there.  It gives me a start and makes me believe she will be here again.  It begins the cycle of not believing all this could happen, but I really do believe she off resting and just wanted to be alone for a short time..

I know to Remember–

I walk by your picture, I pause as I pass where your bed was,
I walk on and wonder how to understand what to see,
yet  my mind toys with me and it tells me over and over you are still here–
Where I wonder, but then I ask are you just away?

I saunter on to the next room, but before I leave I tell you,
“I’ll be back”, I say “I’m going to the next room, I’ll see you there.”
But then how can that be when I know my eyes and my mind plays tricks;
where I wonder, but then I ask are you just away?

The house stays so quiet and at times I hear the snow fall against the house,
I jump for a moment, because I know that is you returning.
With a smile on my face I head toward the noise and stop–
where I wonder, but then I remember you are just away!

Your songs play from the computer and I see us dance as we did long ago,
I dance through the rooms just as we did on the farm when you were teaching me
and then the music goes from a waltz to another beat and my heart stands still,
where I wonder, but then I remember you are just away………

Yes, you are just away for now, whether I see you or not,
I know you are just somewhere, out there just beyond the door.
Just beyond the door I know that you will be waiting and no longer
do I need to wonder, I know to remember you are just away………